I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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