i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
