I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
