I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
