There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
