How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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