if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize