Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
