last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I stole a fireplace last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
