There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
