I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
