Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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