I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
