Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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