you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
