Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
