I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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