i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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