I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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