It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
