For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
