His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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