I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Randomize
