I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
