Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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