am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
