How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
