i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Drake has all the answers
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
