Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
