I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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