Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
