I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
