you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
