Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
