He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
