Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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