Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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