At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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