I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize