Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
