I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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