im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
