I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
