U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
