Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
