How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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