im having a threesome with these popsicles
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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