Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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