Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
