Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize