we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
