Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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