i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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