dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
