Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
