a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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