Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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