i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
