she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
