Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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