I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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