who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
