i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
